Sep 126 min read

To the Exhausted Parents of 'Always On' ADHD Children: You're Not Alone. We're here to support you in your journey.

As a parent of an ADHD kid, do you ever find yourself hitting a wall by 3 pm? You glance at the clock and wonder, "It's only 3? It feels like it's already 11?" You're not alone in this. Many of us share this daily struggle, and we're here to support you, because we've been there too.

We understand the routine all too well… picking them up from school. They've had a long day already–trying to focus during math class, getting in trouble on the playground for playing "too rough," and trying to hold it all together until the dismissal bell rings. Then, all hell breaks loose when they get into the car.

The demands start. If you have more than one, the bickering and fighting starts. Then, at home, throwing the backpack and shoes all over the floor, resists doing homework, complaining about what's for dinner, excessively trying bedtime routine, etc. By the end of it, you are done, with zero in the tank, ready to collapse, trying to catch your breath, and realizing it all starts over again at 6 am. For instance, you might find yourself constantly reminding your child to focus on their homework, dealing with their emotional outbursts, or struggling to get them to bed at a reasonable hour.

Parenting a child who's 'always on' feels like trying to hold onto a runaway train. This term refers to the constant energy and activity levels of children with ADHD, which can be exhausting for parents to keep up with. It's like they're constantly moving, talking, and fidgeting, even when they're supposed to be sitting still. They might interrupt conversations, have trouble waiting their turn, or struggle to follow instructions. It's a non-stop, high-energy experience.

Don't get me wrong–we deeply love our children and do it all for them. Our compassion wanes, our patience evaporates, we react without thinking, we lose all motivation beyond the "have-to's," and we wish for a better way. In some ways, there isn't because parenting is hard. But our love for our children keeps us going, even when running on empty.

But, I want to encourage you with some ideas to help mitigate the exhaustion and bring some peace and joy back into your life and home, especially into your ADHD child. These could include setting up a consistent daily routine, creating a quiet space for your child to relax, and practicing mindfulness. If you feel like you're running on fumes, constantly playing catch-up, and questioning your sanity... you're not alone. Share your experiences and strategies in the comments below, and let's support each other in this journey.

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We just need to know how to stop at the fueling station without feeling guilty, ashamed, or like a failure.

Inquiring parents want to know: why are ADHD children 'always on?'

Exhausted parent as ADHD children run around

Before we can talk about some practical strategies for you and your child, we need to get some insight into why kids with ADHD seem to have their power switch stuck in the "ON" position.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, "Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development." This technical definition is based on the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition). The DSM is the go-to manual for diagnosing various conditions such as ADHD, autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and others. Honestly, it's not very neuro-affirming in that it defines ADHD based on a deficit (what is missing or lacking) and a disorder (like a disease).

We know that people with ADHD don't lack the ability to pay attention but tend to pay attention to too many things and can't filter it all out. Also, ADHD represents a difference in brain development and does not mean a brain is broken, diseased, or needs to be "fixed." It means that what goes on inside of the brain writing shows up on the outside in specific ways that can make life exciting and successful but also more challenging in some areas.

NOTE: This isn't about your child being 'naughty' or 'difficult'—their brains are wired differently, and they need our support to thrive.

The areas we see our kids struggle most with are:

Paying attention when we're speaking with them
Zoning out
Forgetting instructions
Emotional dysregulation
Anxiety/depression/obsessive and compulsive behaviors
Lack of motivation on some things and hyperfocus on others
Bodies like being driven by a high-speed motor
Trouble sleeping
Extremely selective taste palate
And more

Realizing this is due to brain wiring (and other factors) should give us a sense of compassion and empathy toward our children. Yet, at the same time, they can stretch, become more resilient, learn the skills that support them, and ensure we create a nurturing, inclusive, and affirming environment at home. There's so much potential for growth and success.

Moving from Exhausted Parent to Parent who can Breathe

Let me pick a few of these areas of struggle and give you some of my favorite tips that can help you catch your breath and nurture your 'always on' child:

Forgetting instructions:
1. Break down instructions into smaller, concrete steps and provide visual cues or checklists to support memory.
2. Encourage them to repeat back or write down instructions to reinforce learning.
3. Use spaced repetition and provide reminders throughout the task to aid recall.
Emotional dysregulation:
1. Validate their emotions and provide a safe space for them to express themselves.
2. Teach emotion regulation strategies like deep breathing, mindfulness, and sensory-based grounding techniques.
3. Collaborate with them to identify triggers and develop personalized coping mechanisms.
Lack of motivation on some things and hyperfocus on others:
1. Recognize that their interests and motivation may be highly variable. Avoid forcing them to do tasks they find uninteresting.
2. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps to increase motivation.
3. Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests, as this can increase engagement and learning.

(for more information on these, see https://therapistndc.org/neurodiversity-affirming-therapy/, and https://www.mdpi.com/2673-5318/3/4/31)

Don't Forget No Blame, No Shame Self-Care

As an often-exhausted parent of always-on ADHD kids, I know how easy it is to get caught up in the chaos and feel like you're failing. The constant demands, the meltdowns, and the struggle to get anything done can really take a toll.

But I've learned the importance of practicing 'no blame, no shame' self-care. This means recognizing that it's not your fault that your child has ADHD, and it's okay to take care of yourself. It's so easy to beat ourselves up, to feel guilty for needing a break or not being able to do it all. But the truth is, this is hard work, and we have to be kind to ourselves.

Take those mini-breaks when you can, even if it's just 10-15 minutes to yourself. Don't feel ashamed about ordering takeout on a tough night or letting your child have a little extra screen time so you can recharge. This isn't about being a perfect parent; it's about doing what you must do to care for yourself so you can be there for your child.

Remember, you're doing an amazing job, even on the most challenging days. Cut yourself some slack and focus on self-care—your family needs you at your best.

Remember, You Are Not Alone!

Remember and tap into these three sources that can support you when you're exhausted and need some encouragement:

Community Support: Joining a supportive community of parents who understand the challenges of raising a child with ADHD can provide invaluable emotional support and practical strategies.
Personal Stories: Hearing and engaging with personal stories from other parents who have successfully navigated the ups and downs of ADHD can offer hope and inspiration for your journey.
Professional Insights: Seeking guidance from professionals, such as therapists and educators specializing in ADHD, can help you develop effective coping mechanisms and access valuable resources.

And don't forget me and The Inclusion Matters Collective.

I am always here to encourage you, equip you, empower you, and educate you on raising your ADHD kid.

Don't let exhaustion define your parenting journey.

Here are three quick things you can do to get all this today:

Download my FREE 'ADHD-Friendly Home Cheat Sheet' now and discover practical tips to create a calmer, more supportive home environment for your child. Click Here
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Parenting a child with ADHD can be incredibly challenging, but it's important to remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Normalizing the difficulties and reminding yourself that it's okay to ask for help are essential steps in supporting your child. Remember to be kind to yourself, and don't hesitate to ask for assistance when needed.

Sometimes, having a personalized plan and expert guidance can make all the difference.

Book a Discovery Call with me to learn how you can raise your 'always on' child with energy and joy.

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