Oct 30, 20243 min read

Embracing Uniqueness: Fighting the Urge to Make Your ADHD + Child Fit Your Mold

Dr. D.A. (David) Palmer, Ed.D.

Imagine trying to ride a tricycle with square wheels. Sounds impossible, right? However, physicists at Texas A&M University (TAMU) made it happen. In their "Square Wheeled Tricycle" experiment, they created a track with a specific mathematical curve called a catenary. On this track, the square-wheeled tricycle could roll smoothly, almost as if it had round wheels.

Now, picture trying to force your ADHD+ child to fit into a neurotypical mold. It's like asking them to ride a square-wheeled tricycle on a straight, flat path – it's bumpy, inefficient, and doesn't play to their unique strengths. Today, let's explore why we should embrace our children's uniqueness and fight the urge to make them fit our preconceived molds. Let's help them find their own "catenary track" where they can thrive as we embrace their ADHD.

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Time to Consider: Embracing ADHD

Insight 1: Understanding ADHD+

ADHD+ is not a deficit of attention but rather a unique way of experiencing the world. It's like having a different set of wheels – not worse, just different. Executive functioning struggles, impulsivity, and hyperactivity are real challenges, much like the bumpy ride of a square-wheeled tricycle on a flat path.

But just as the square wheels can roll smoothly on the right track, ADHD+ comes with its own strengths, like creativity, hyperfocus, and resilience. When we try to make our ADHD+ children fit the neurotypical mold, we're not appreciating their unique design. Instead, let's understand their world, support their challenges, and celebrate their strengths. Let's help them find their own "catenary track" where they can shine.

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Insight 2: The Power of Acceptance

Accepting your child's ADHD+ diagnosis can be a journey, but it's a powerful one. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up on helping them grow; it means embracing who they are and finding ways to support them. It means shifting from "Why can't you just..." to "How can we help you...". Acceptance fosters self-esteem, resilience, and a stronger parent-child bond. It allows your child to feel seen, understood, and loved for who they are.

Insight 3: The Danger of the "Should" Mindset

We often have preconceived notions about how our children "should" behave, learn, or develop. But "should" is a dangerous word. It dismisses your child's unique timeline and needs, creates unrealistic expectations, and sets everyone up for disappointment.

Instead, try shifting to a "let's see" mindset. Let's see how your child learns best, what strategies help them manage their challenges, and where their strengths and passions lie.

Time to Reflect

In what ways have you been trying to make your child fit a certain mold? Reflect on the expectations you've set for your child. Are they realistic and fair, given their unique needs and strengths?
How can you shift your perspective to embrace your child's uniqueness? Consider the language you use, the expectations you set, and the support you provide. How can you make these more aligned with your child's true self?

Time to Act

This week, let's commit to fighting the urge to make our ADHD+ children fit our molds. Here's a practical challenge to start:

The "Yes" Challenge: For one week, make a conscious effort to say "yes" more than "no." When your child wants to do something differently, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?" If not, say "yes." Let them express their uniqueness. Observe how this shift impacts your child's confidence, your relationship, and your own perception of ADHD+.

Remember, our job as parents is not to mold our children into who we think they should be but to guide and support them as they grow into who they truly are. Let's embrace their uniqueness, accept their challenges, and celebrate their strengths. Let's fight the urge to make them fit our molds and, instead, help them create their own.

In the words of L.R. Knost, "It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless."

You've got this, parents! Let's raise our ADHD+ children to be proud of and tap into the power of their uniqueness, grow resilient in their challenges, and receive the empowerment to make a difference in the world.

Share Your Journey: We're all in this together. Share your experiences, insights, and challenges in the comments below. Let's learn and grow together as we support our amazing ADHD+ children.

Stay Tuned: Next week, we'll dive into practical strategies to support your ADHD+ child's executive functioning skills. Don't miss it!

Until then, keep embracing the unique, keep fighting the urge to mold, and keep being the amazing parent coach your child needs. You're doing a fantastic job!